first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
