Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
