the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
