Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
