he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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