I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
