sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
There are leaves in my underwear?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
