I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
