my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
