it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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