Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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