dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
