You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
