So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm bleeding and have questions
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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