Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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