I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
