Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
