You just made me feel so damn special
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
