He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
