Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
