I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Randomize
