I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
