Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
