OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
