it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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