Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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