omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
