I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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