I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
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