Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
