all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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