Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize