i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Someone shattered a urinal.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Randomize
