Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
All the doctor said was why
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
