I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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