End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
