I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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