I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
