Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
