I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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