He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
