I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
