she looked like the bat from fern gully.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
