2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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