Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
