someone get that fucking seahorse.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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