Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
