Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I forget how to act sober
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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