If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
