i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
high people should be assigned attendants
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
