and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
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