walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
