I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
