Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
