I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Life is so much better after having sex.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
