I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
