I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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