I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
