jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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