Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
