I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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