Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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