i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
