Cold hands, warm shart.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
