i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He passed out mid-signature
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
