I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
