That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
