My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize