A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize