what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
