the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
