saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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