omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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