i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize