Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
40s are totally the cure
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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