he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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