I'm really into asian looking animals
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
